Saturday, October 16, 2010

Micro Merely Me

Hello out there

I should be writing posts but I just don't feel like it.  I feel like writing for me.  I am feeling like the small end of the telescope...the lens that doesn't look outward.  Or remember when your television screen would grow smaller until a small black dot was the only part of the picture left before it went out completely?  Like that.  Turning inward, smaller and smaller.  Thus, my title, micro merely me.  When I decide to set my sights to grow larger...then "macro" would be more appropriate.

God knows what I am talking about!  LOL

You ever write things and it makes total sense to you but then you realize that probably nobody else will make sense of your muddled words?

Halloween is coming.  I love Halloween.  It is a close second to Christmas for me.  And some years...I may like it more.  There is no guilt on Halloween.  No in-laws.  No pressured gift giving.  Just candy.  And costumes.  Scary movies.  And the great pumpkin.  There should be more halloween songs.  Christmas gets all the good songs. 

I know I don't even have to say this but why are the christmas displays out in September?  Poor Thanksgiving gets no respect at all.  Just another dinner along the way to the big event. 

Back to Halloween.  My favorite candy...Reese's peanut butter cups, hershey's bars with almonds, and most other chocolate too.  Except for Clark bars.  I really don't like those.  Candy you don't see much of anymore...remember chocolite bars?  I don't think they make them anymore.  How about black cows?  Or my favorite...wacky wafers with the hard gum.  On reeses peanut butter cups...they cannot be too melty or too cold.  But a little melty is just right.

What does this have to do with depression?   Well not much really.  But I know I sure would be depressed in a world without chocolate or chocolate giving and receiving holidays.  There is always something to look forward to even if it is a candy bar or some silly holiday.  Life is a series of these small and seemingly inconsequential moments.  It is good to savor them. 

Thank you for taking this little break with me.  Now go enjoy something good.


  1. This is the time of year when I buy lots of chocolate for the kids who come Trick or Treating, then I spend Halloween evening hoping no one shows up so I can have it all. There, I said it! I'm horrible as an adult. :)

    I used to stare at the TV watching the screen swirl into a tiny dot, that was some time ago, and wonder why it did that, and it's a good analogy for introspection when there is no where else to go.
    As for writing in a manner little understood by another, I do that all the time, depressed or not.

  2. Hey I got an e-mail from FB quite spammish altho I no longer am on FB shortly after registering on HealthCentral. My computer knowledge is limited at best but I try to retain my privacy. This feels like Halloween alright, all tricks, no treats.
    Is blogging a safer way to go?

  3. I am in the process of reading through the poems I have written in about the last 10 yrs. Some are worth sharing, but many don't make any sense, even to me. Of course, I thought they were genius-quality at the time they were written!

  4. How bitchy of me! So I did not sleep one wink last nite but I ate breakfast and did my run and exercise. I also went for a long walk and now I am doing laundry. It's funny to me since I am almost 46 and a grammy and white and all but I love gangsta rap. I am so into it on Youtube the style and raw physicality, so street and so real. Maybe it's because I feel like a 9mil with no safety about to go off at random if I...what? what? You feel me? This is coming off effexor, brain zaps and all. I also feel lucky I have classic movie channel with Spencer Tracy, Fredric March, Kim Novak and so many other great actors with real dialogue and great sets. All night long...I remember when the milkman came and I had to take Home Ec in high school and our first project had to be an apron! There was actually a smoking area for students plus the third floorgirls bathroom with all the teen drama and hot boys came in and blazed tree with us...ah yes, no wonder I didn't graduate but I read voraciously from the age of 3 and I did get a GED . and always worked. I made a 100 grand in 1999. My banner years were my 20's. I crashed and burned in my mid-thirties when my husband divorced me. I still obsess over him. He is killing me, killing me softly. I hope everyone knows reading glasses are only a dollar at the dollar store so scratch em up and lose em all you want.Ciao for now, niento! Those are all the Italian I know, goodbye and nothing. I used to know more but I can't remember since my friend's mother moved back to NY and I don't hear it spoken anymore except when he is on the damn phone all the time. I need to be by myself til I pull myself together again. He is still calling me but I look like death warmed over and I can't really talk. We were thinking of a word and he said starts with an S so I said How many letters? cause I used to be really into Will Shortz crossword puzzles.Yeah. Ciao.

  5. I want to find a place to share my challenge. I hope this turns out to be a good place.
    I am dealing with a a relationship in which my girlfriend suffers from what she calls and was diagnosed by a Dr with Bipolar disorder. However she is never ever manic, only ever filled with depression or anxiety or feelings of hopelessness. So It is my opinion there is no Bi just polar and that polarity is depression.
    In any event you say sometime you just get a gut feeling. So do I and it was that I never met her. Now I love her and want to help but feel useless. Anytime I help it is always proceeded a short time later with more depression. I am getting tired of it and after 3 years feel I may hurt her worse if i broke it off. It is not because I do not care or do not want to stick it out, it is more that I feel hopeless , helpless and dragged down all the time with the dead end roads she creates with any suggestion on my part of action to help her. I love her I want to stay with her but I feel hopeless. I am out of a job for the first time in my life.I may lkoose my home but I still seem to remain positive and feel that I will survive one way or another. I stay very healthy and tha helps me a lot. I am an accomplished Ironman Athlete with 3 under my belt along with over 40 other marathons and races of that sort. I have a great attitude almost always and am always rather happy, friendly, caring and giving. However I feel my life is stuck and it is stuck because I am always dealing with her and her depression and her lack of wanting to suggest anything to do.
    Recently my parent came to visit adn once again she spent most of the time up in her room afraid to engage. When she did engage, it was to just sit there while we ate dinner. When asked a question she would speak very very softly a few words and then shut down. It seems she doesnt even try and just makes excuses all the time for not trying. I do not know where to start but I thought I might start here. I felt maybe if I spoke with others who suffer I could understand how I could help here best without eventually coming to the same conclusion later on down the road and leaving. I do not want to, thats why I am here but I don't know what to do. I need hope that I can be of help.
    She has a great ex who is supportive 3 lovely kids. She is a healthy 45 in a few weeks besides that has a gd job that she hates but says she cant do anything else ( again creatring her own dead end). She has tried to commit suicide a handful of times from what she has told me.
    She has had a tough childhood with a mother who really never wanted her and told her often and a father who died while she was very young. Please help how do i make an impact and help her.
    Now I am hungry for Reese's