Sunday, August 19, 2012

Just checking in...

Hello out there!

Not sure who is there to read this anymore but I figure I should at least write a little something once a month.  I am still alive.  It has been one hell of a summer.  I have been family has been sick.  It is just one thing after another and I have been in survival mode for months now.

If I could go back in time I would have liked to have saved my gallbladder but there just wasn't any other options by the time I had mine out.  "You will be able to eat whatever you want" my surgeon said.  Uh huh.  Right.  Friends...things have gotten so bad that I gave up chocolate.  :>)  That was the least of my concerns.  Actually I had to give up a lot of foods that gut doesn't approve of any longer. 

I was watching this documentary about people who live a long life and they interviewed Jack LaLanne you know...he wore the jumpsuit all the time to work out.  He was in his nineties at the time of this documentary and he was lifting weights and juicing.  The interviewer asked him about his views on food and Jack cracked me up.  He said, "I look at food and ask...what are YOU going to do for ME food?" lol  Now when I eat I ask the same question.  I have to think also this food likely to cause me pain? 

Enough about my are you guys?

Give a holler if you are out there.


Tuesday, July 10, 2012

A little hello

Hey out there!

Not sure who is still out there but did want to drop a line as it has been a full month and more since I have written.

Still dealing with stomach/digestive issues since I had my gallbladder out at the end of April.  I really thought that the surgery would be the end of my pain.  Little did I know that it was just the beginning.  I have no diagnosis.  I am still in between tests and doctors and specialists.  I wish I had something definitive to tell people but I don't.  I am just....really sick.

I hope you all are doing well and I will try to update more often.

Will write more soon....

Merely Me

Sunday, June 3, 2012

With a little help from my friends...

Hello out there!

I thought I would include a music into my bloggy to get things rolling.  I have always liked the Joe Cocker version of With a Little Help from my Friends that we all know and love from the Wonder Years.  He looks like he is having a good time.  Joe Cocker is one of those performers who really didn't have a great voice but because of this fact...he did have a great voice...if that makes sense.  I always liked when he tears up to singing You are so Beautiful too.  The man has soul.

So a lot has happened during the past months.  I lost one of my inner organs. My dear gallbladder is gone.  I kept giving it chances but it just wouldn't let up on me.  You know how some people say or some doctors say...."Oh you can eat whatever you want afterward" or as my doctor told me..."If you want to climb a mountain the next day I can't stop you."  Uh huh.  Yeah.  Now let's talk reality.  Maybe I am a mutant but it has been weeks and I am still recovering and this was from the laparoscopic type of surgery.  I am one of those people who had complications and I am still not quite up to par.

 In my recovery mode I have finally had the chance to watch all those DVDs I have been collecting all these years but never watched.  I actually watched Bedknobs and Broomsticks...a childhood favorite of mine.  As I watched it I felt bad for my generation.  So many movies with endless song and dance numbers.  What is up with that?  I love telling my kids...why in my day we only had four channels if we were lucky and we had to get up to turn the channel.  So we kinda had to watch what was provided.  Loved this movie as a kid but now...not so much.   I have been spoiled with too many choices and superior animation. 

During these past weeks my eldest kitty died here at home.  It was absolutely heartbreaking.  We had her for 17 years.  As I have been told about older seemed to happen rather suddenly.  She was in good health and then in a matter of days she was not eating or drinking.  And then she went to the garage to be alone.  But I stayed with her.  You watch this sweet little animal take her last breaths and you wonder...where does she go? 

We ended up getting a new kitty after several weeks...a calico.  Very beautiful cat.  She is one of these cats who looks like she is perpetually smiling.  The thing I love about cats....and dogs is that no two are alike.  They all have their own distinct little personalities.  This one is an aggressive purr machine.  She is extremely affectionate which is what won me over to her.  She bonded with me in a big way.

Not sure who will read this but did want to catch up with you all.

I hope everyone is doing well.

Let me know what you guys have been up to if you can.

Merely Me

Sunday, March 18, 2012


Hi everyone

I had started this little blog over a year ago as a respite for you. I became very busy and I let it go.  But I think it is time to bring it back again because I feel there is a need for it.  This blog is an informal place to kick back and let loose.  Feel free to talk about whatever is currently on your mind.  Depression is something that you don't need to deal with alone.  You have friends here. 

So let's get started with a simple question....How are you?  Don't hold back.  Tell it like it is.


Friday, October 29, 2010

What's your problem?

Do you ever feel like sometimes you are defined by your problems?  On any given day you could probably list all the challenges you are up against and the time spent looking for solutions.  On some days that percentage of time coping with problems may seem like most of the day.  But is this me?  Or you?  There may be times when this is exactly how it feels...that we are becoming a problem to be solved.  And especially if you suffer from depression or other mental illness. 

Going off on a tangent here but sometimes other people feel that they are somehow responsible for your problems and try to fix them for you.  At those times I always want to say, "I don't want to be fixed.  I just want you to listen."  Not everything falls into the fixable problem category.  Sometimes we have things in our life which we can't readily change but must find a way to cope.

Asking someone "What's your problem?" quite often is said in agitation and as a way to mean, "I don't really care what your problem is or the reason for your behavior...I just want you to snap out of it."  But when it is a genuine question often wonders if it truly is acceptable to go around talking about their problems.  I have seen people talk about the most excruciatingly painful  experiences and then take it all back with an apology for "complaining."  I think it is very hard in our "buck up" society to know when we can and cannot talk about our problems.

We tend to get irate at those who discuss their issues and problems to the expense of actually doing anything about them.  We can readily see this fault in another but when it comes to our own life,  it is very hard to know when one has talked enough and that it is time for action.

So the very issue of communicating about problems is problematic in itself.  But when we do face difficult challenges...who do we go to to talk?  Who do we trust?  And then how do we go about this discussion?

One of the reasons I have created this site is to make a safe place to talk about challenges, issues, and problems related to depression...and just life in general.

And so I conclude with the question in my title, "What's your problem?" but asked in a very sincere, open, and genuine way.  In other words...what pressing life issues would you like to talk about today?

I am going to make a good effort to get this blog going so we can have such discussions.  Thanks to everyone who has visited and/or commented so far.  I will try to get back to you with some comments.

Merely Me

Saturday, October 16, 2010

Micro Merely Me

Hello out there

I should be writing posts but I just don't feel like it.  I feel like writing for me.  I am feeling like the small end of the telescope...the lens that doesn't look outward.  Or remember when your television screen would grow smaller until a small black dot was the only part of the picture left before it went out completely?  Like that.  Turning inward, smaller and smaller.  Thus, my title, micro merely me.  When I decide to set my sights to grow larger...then "macro" would be more appropriate.

God knows what I am talking about!  LOL

You ever write things and it makes total sense to you but then you realize that probably nobody else will make sense of your muddled words?

Halloween is coming.  I love Halloween.  It is a close second to Christmas for me.  And some years...I may like it more.  There is no guilt on Halloween.  No in-laws.  No pressured gift giving.  Just candy.  And costumes.  Scary movies.  And the great pumpkin.  There should be more halloween songs.  Christmas gets all the good songs. 

I know I don't even have to say this but why are the christmas displays out in September?  Poor Thanksgiving gets no respect at all.  Just another dinner along the way to the big event. 

Back to Halloween.  My favorite candy...Reese's peanut butter cups, hershey's bars with almonds, and most other chocolate too.  Except for Clark bars.  I really don't like those.  Candy you don't see much of anymore...remember chocolite bars?  I don't think they make them anymore.  How about black cows?  Or my favorite...wacky wafers with the hard gum.  On reeses peanut butter cups...they cannot be too melty or too cold.  But a little melty is just right.

What does this have to do with depression?   Well not much really.  But I know I sure would be depressed in a world without chocolate or chocolate giving and receiving holidays.  There is always something to look forward to even if it is a candy bar or some silly holiday.  Life is a series of these small and seemingly inconsequential moments.  It is good to savor them. 

Thank you for taking this little break with me.  Now go enjoy something good.

Thursday, October 7, 2010


Hey all

I promise to get this little site together and make it worth your while to come and visit. 

We talk a lot about depression...of course we do...this is what our community is about.  And if you come to my blog it is probably because you are a fellow depression sufferer.  Here I can get a little more personal and get deeper into things.

One of the core ways which I have found to combat my depression is to know my values.  I think a lot of times we get out of sorts because we are living a life which is not congruent with who we are or what we value and cherish.  And sometimes this is very hard to walk the walk.  Sometimes life is easier if we ignore things like integrity in our daily life.

Yet a simple life...of living true to yourself...can be that road towards peace, serenity, and loving yourself.

Sometimes I get so disillusioned.  It seems so many people are about ego and promoting themselves and creating this facade to cover up the fact that they are so empty inside.  The fakers take away from what is real in life...real caring...real compassion...and real community.

I guess my childhood experiences have made me this way.  Growing up in the inner city...with a mom who could not take care of herself due to her mental illness...let alone me...I learned early on to judge people not by what they say but by what they do.  I watched very carefully as some people would say they cared...but then do nothing to help or even cause more harm.  I carry that baggage with me.  But in some ways it has taught me some very valuable lessons.  I have learned a lot about trust and how very special it is when you can find those special people in your life to trust.

My bullshit detector is very strong and actually very good.  One way I have kept my sanity all these years is to listen to my gut about people.  So many times in life we don't listen to that gut feeling and then we pay the price.  I know I have.

I hope you learn easier than I have about who to trust and would give anything to turn back time and never have come into contact with the person. If only this were possible.